Sunday, March 28, 2010
Help is now available 24/7
Have you recklessly made an entire chocolate layer cake without considering the caloric damage it could do to you and your spouse? Did a dinner guest leave three quarters of a chocolate cream pie behind? Were you gifted with a two pound box of See's Nuts & Chews? What are you going to do - eat all that stuff and get big as a barn? No! Pick up the phone and call San Diego Dessert Disposal! Our specially equipped and gluttonous technician will rush to your home, office, or picnic site and neutralize even the most dangerous dessert hazards. Upon arrival, our technician will assess the situation, select the proper hazard abatement tools (usually a very large serving spoon), and immediately begin to clear the area of any sugary threats to you and your loved ones. So, the next time you're face-to-face with six thousand calories of gooey danger, call San Diego Dessert Disposal and you'll soon have nothing to eat but that lame stuff you keep in your cupboards. And remember, when our technician arrives, it all happens pretty fast, folks, and it's best if you don't watch - it's not a pretty sight.
2 comments:
An unsolicited testimonial:
I tried those dessert guys and I gotta tell you it was absolutely amazing. Not only did they clean out my refrigidaire of every conceivable confection but they raided my cupboards and ransacked the house, finding any and all of my favorite hoarding/stash sites for forbidden foods. And it truly wasn't pretty. While the head food removal tech was sloshing down a number 60 can of Hershey's syrup he "accidentally" doused our prize poodle and instantly devoured it. The ensuing blood curdly burp is still richocheting in my brain and my grief counsellor has his work cut out for him. We're still waiting to have our floorboards replaced and most of the drywall is a total loss -- who knew pepsi marinated insulation would be such a taste treat?
In short they did a tremendous job of cleaning me out of anything remotely resembling dessert-like substances however my lawyers have been unable to contact Mr Pimple as his phone has been disconnected, his business listing is bogus and he left no forwarding address. I really can't not recommend him highly enough.
Mrs Cringewater
I can see the sports headlines - San Diego Dessert Disposal vs Little Debbies at the Sports Arena Sunday. Tickets available at your local donut shop.
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